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It Feels Like He's Pulling Away!? (Part II)

Hi Bruce, (Part II)

As for Matthew and I, we met through an online resource. I posted an ad looking for a friend to go do things with, workout, etc.

He responded to my ad and when I read his response I swear I was reading something I would have written, I felt a connection to his personality from just his writing.

So we started emailing back and forth and that led into texting every day... then we met in person and I swear I met my soul mate.

We have met three times in person, but we went from texting daily all day to a little slowed down...and then a week ago we met in person for the third time, things got more intimate and we got really intimate.

After that we talked for a bit and we talked about his going out of town this week and then again next week and how he would call me while out of town and come see me in between the two trips.

Well, that was a week ago and since then I have not heard from him for nearly 4 days and the days I did hear from him it was about 5 minute conversations.

I text him yesterday and told him I was feeling abandoned, he said he was feeling disconnected from everyone because he feels hopeless and that he would contact me in a few hours after he finished his work.

I never heard from him...he flies out today and I just feel he has put me behind him now.

We both were looking for a friend... someone to talk to because I live with a controlling guy who I have wanted out for nearly the 11 years he has lived with me and I am so unhappy with him that I have even thought of ending my life to be rid of him.

Matthew has a woman living with him for the last 2 or so years that barely gives him the time of day...she uses him for what he does for her but does not treat him with love...he is unhappy as well and wants out

He has told me that I am the sweetest woman ever and that he loves spending time with me.

When we are in person I can see it in his eyes that he likes me...but like I said, the last week...since we were intimate (even though it was super quick) he has disconnected himself from me....I just need to know if I should hold out hope or walk away before I am too hurt. Penelope

Hey Penelope,

Ok...let's talk about your situation with Matthew (openly and honestly)

(1) He's living with another woman and has for two years and,

(2) You've been living with a controlling guy for "nearly 11 years."

These issues need to be addressed first.

You are both in relationships with other people - so what's your plan, Penelope?

Here comes the "No BS" advice from Bruce.

Either:

(A) You focus on repairing your existing relationship with the current live-in boyfriend or...

(B) You end it. (The answer is NOT ending your life – as the live-in controlling bf hardly seems worth all that, agreed?)

If Matthew is unhappy in his current 2 year relationship then he needs to do the same...

Either:

(A) Fix it with her and he remains friends with you or...

(B) he needs to cut her loose for your relationship together to have a chance to bloom.

This is no way to start a new romance...both of you tangled up with unappreciative live-ins! It's too messy. Simplify!

After your recent intimacy together you say he got a little scarce and has failed to contact you on several different occasions as he promised.

Let's take the lid off Matthew’s head so I can tell you what's going on in his mind.

After having sex with you, (which he truly wanted) he has blurred the lines now (and yes,) complicated his situation - whether he realized that at the time or not. It did and now the man is pulling away to sort out his feelings and try to figure out what this all means.

It doesn't mean he doesn't want you - he's merely added another layer of concern/responsibility to his life and he has got to deal with that now, too.

ACTION STEP: Stop texting him and telling him you feel abandoned - that's the absolute worst thing to do!

The more you do that, the more he will recoil or pull away. It's an added pressure he doesn't need and you doing that makes you just another situation he's got to try to solve in his own mind.

He likes you, Penelope - no doubt. The question we have as men is: "How do I incorporate her into my life without a bunch of grief, drama, or “heavy lifting?”

Start dealing with the issues on the home front first. You’ve got to clean that up BEFORE the two of you can get to a deeper level of intimacy together.

Try not to feel too overwhelmed. Take it one day at a time.

If it continues to feel too overwhelming, email me back. I'd be happy to discuss taking you on as a client and helping you through this complicated situation.

Keep your head up and your eyes open!

Bruce

Comments

Hi Ana, thanks for your question.

No, I don't encourage couples NOT to communicate (provided they communicate with mutual respect and positivity)

I advised Penelope to stop texting her man constantly and asking him "How do you feel?" or "Do ya wanna talk about it?" or "Is everything ok?"

As this approach typically results in the man pulling away further.

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